As I entered a class of 11th grade girls, one of the girls looked at me, huge smile on her face, and said, “Freedom Institute! Are we going to talk about drugs and sex?”

“Is there something more interesting you’d like to talk about?” I responded. The group unanimously decided that those were the most exciting topics we could discuss.

Although the primary focus of the Independent School Program is Substance Abuse Prevention, substance use and sex are inextricably linked for teens. I asked a class of 17 girls to raise their hands if they knew someone who had done something under the influence of alcohol or another substance that she later regretted. All but two raised their hands. I asked them to keep their hands raised if the regrettable action was something sexual: no one put her hand down. The consumption of alcohol seems to function in three ways for teens when it comes to sexual behavior:

1. A student gets drunk (probably more than they intended to) and ends up making risky decisions and doing things they never intended or desired to do.
2. The “courage in a can” idea: teens use alcohol to relieve the social anxiety they feel in a new situation. They also use it to alleviate any stress felt about certain sexual actions they may otherwise feel uncomfortable with.
3. Students use alcohol as an EXCUSE for doing things they want or fully intend to do, but would be embarrassed to do if they were sober. Essentially, “being ‘drunk and easy’ is better than ‘just being easy’,” in the world of adolescent reputations.

All three are certainly issues we should be discussing with our teens. The third, however, presents a particularly worrisome attitude that is quite prevalent among teenagers, especially the girls. Although casual weekend “hook-ups” would typically earn someone a bad reputation by Monday morning, these unhealthy decisions tend to be forgiven and forgotten if the person was drunk or high¹. Teens are acutely aware that they lose control of their judgment and decisions while intoxicated. The dangerous belief betrayed in this attitude is that drunkenness is completely socially acceptable - so much so that it neutralizes less socially acceptable behavior. In reality, this is an extremely dangerous state to be in, as it makes students more vulnerable to the risks that accompany being drunk or high. This is especially true when it comes to sexual decisions. Students have shared with counselors from Freedom Institute that even when they thought to use a condom while having sex after drinking or getting high, they were unable to use it correctly. This obviously exposes teens to an array of risks, such as pregnancy and STI’s.

In settings where drinking and “hooking-up” is prevalent, many girls have found themselves in, if not dangerous, then at least regrettable, situations. One high school student shared with me, “If a girl is drinking, and isn’t alert - if she can’t talk about what she wants or doesn’t want, then the guy will make the decision for her.” Nathalie Bartle, in her book “Venus in Blue Jeans” highlights a survey stating that 90% of girls between 12 and 19 point to alcohol as a major factor leading to sex (Bartle, 1990).

In their efforts to feel more comfortable in certain situations, or to justify their actions, teens are unlikely to consider carefully the great risks they incur by placing themselves under the control of chemicals and other people. It is important for educators and parents to combat the idea that getting drunk, or experimenting with getting high, is a harmless “rite of passage” for adolescents. The following communication tips come from our Parent Guide:

• Use the media. Reference one of the many movies or TV shows that display (and probably glorify) teenage drinking, partying and sexual behavior. Ask your teen if she knows people who have found themselves in similar situations. This springboard can act as a way for you to gauge your teen’s attitudes about the issue, and as an open door for you, the adult, to share the information you have, in addition to the values and expectations you hope to impart to your child.
• Acknowledge that it is an awkward topic, but important nonetheless. Emphasize that there is nothing your teen can share or ask about that will change how you feel about him, and that when it comes to issues of safety and health, you would always prefer he come to you. Express that you do not anticipate him putting himself in compromising situations, but if he or a friend does happen to be in trouble, you expect them to contact you.
• Engage your parenting partner. It is important, if you have a parenting partner, to include him or her. This doesn’t necessarily mean that both parents need to always be present for a formal conversation, as that could intimidate your teenager. It does mean that you should be intentional about being on the same page; you don’t want one parent expressing the dangers of adolescent substance use while the other parent shares stories from college about the funny things friends did while drunk or high.

The most important thing is to continue to communicate with your teen on a regular, informal basis about these issues. Teens are bombarded daily with messages about what is expected of them when it comes to alcohol, drugs and sex. It is very easy to buy into those ideas if there is no opposing view reinforced, and no reminder about the risks of such activities. For the sake of physical and emotional health, it is important to emphasize, especially to the girls, that drinking does not neutralize the negative effects of casual, or “accidental” sexual encounters, though it may seem like it minimizes the social effects. Underage drinking is not an adequate cover for irresponsible sexual behavior, and in most cases amplifies the negative effects.