Voices of Freedom

The Reluctant Hero

Thu, 17 May 2012 11:57:03 -0400

A Movie Review

https://www.facebook.com/BillW.Movie

If you, or anyone you know works the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous – whether in AA, OA, NA, etc. – go see Bill W., the new feature-length documentary film, which opens this Friday, May 18^th. You may have heard the lore of Bill Wilson before; some know him as a failed Wall Street prospector, a philanderer or even “the most important man of the 20^th century.” Yet, as the movie explores and finally settles on the truth it becomes painfully clear that Bill Wilson was just another drunk.

Novice filmmakers Kevin Hanlon and Dan Carracino spent the better part of a decade creating this piece. Their utilization of actors to recreate the scenes from Bill’s various speeches and recordings tends to be a bit jarring. Yet, their evocative use of titles, letters and voiceover creates such a stirring homage that I couldn't help but miss ‘ole Bill and even wish things had been a bit different for him. The filmmakers use strings in the score and long shots of Bill in his daily walks to show “the man apart.” The film, without question, leaves the viewer with an aching whimsy, a wish to do better and a hope that it was all worth it.

Bill Wilson was a hopeless drunk, that much is known. What comes as a surprise is just how “other” he felt and how that “otherness” propelled him to not only create one of the most legendary fellowships known to man, but to wither from it as well. “I didn't have a drink until the 1st World War, “ he says, “but the soil was fertile.” He fought for a lifetime to feel better and had to settle for fits and starts. Later in life, but before turning leadership of AA over to the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, Bill asked his spiritual advisor, “Will it ever be quenched?” To which the priest replied, “No, never, because were meant to thirst.” The simplest tenent of AA – one alcoholic talking to another – became increasingly difficult for him. The recognition, praise and worship he received from his efforts to stay sober rendered him a peculiar kind of lonely, perhaps intensifying an underlying mood disorder. Yet, no matter what, he never stopped looking for the solution and knew the value of what he had accomplished for so many.

I could go on and on. There are so many marvelous nuggets; both visually and verbally. A brilliant speaker, he knew his audience and how to turn a phrase – incomparable gifts in the land of rhetoric. The filmmakers also assembled a group of historians and sober people who pepper the film with commentary and real-life experiences of the salvation AA has delivered in their own lives. At the risk of spoiling some of the juicier bits I will simply encourage you to see the film. What I will say is this: what has always seemed miraculous remains so. A man, cursed with a terrible obsession sought to arrest it in the fellowship of other men who were equally obsessed. What ensued is life on life’s terms – something most of us still struggle with. Maybe that’s why Bill’s humanity is so touching.

A Village Comes Together

Tue, 15 May 2012 11:17:38 -0400

A Review of a Stunning Night of Hope

The annual Freedom Institute Benefit hummed with compassion and goodwill from the 250 Freedom Institute supporters at The Pierre Hotel last night. President Jessica Mansell Ambrose began the festivities by thanking Outgoing Chair, Terry Christensen for his almost 40 years of service to the Institute. Citing his advocacy work in the field of addiction, she then welcomed to the stage Chris Kennedy Lawford, recipient of this year’s Mona Mansell Award. “We are the ones who know alcoholism,” he encouraged. “AAs should go out and talk about recovery - not their association with Alcoholics Anonymous." He assured the crowd that there was room for both and each was absolutely necessary.

Executive Director Donna Wick then spoke of the science behind FI’s work with adolescents and promised that new programming was on its way to address the increasing complications of navigating a teen’s world. Grateful for the initiative, insight and efforts carved out by founder Mona Mansell, Donna pledged to take the Institute into a new era backed by scholarship, research and experience.

As David Sheff was welcomed by the crowd, he said, “It takes a village.” The keynote speaker for the evening, Sheff shared his painful journey as a parent to a child plagued with addiction. He spoke of the nights lying awake in fear for his son’s safety, calling the police, calling hospitals and preparing for the worst. Denial no longer worked when, faced with the quizzical looks of his two younger children, Sheff had to admit he didn’t know where his son was or when he would be home. And that was only the beginning, “If it weren’t for people like Freedom Institute, my son would be dead.” Sheff only regained his footing when he began to ask for help. It was then that he began to write his experiences, drawing on his journalism background and subsequently opening a “portal” through which other families might take refuge. Admitting his powerlessness over his son’s illness was an excruciating process but absolutely necessary in order to heal. “We can’t do it all,” he concluded. “We’re just parents. Get help…and don’t keep secrets.”

The evening was cheerfully rounded out by Chris Scribner, whose gratitude blanketed the room. He humbly thanked everyone in attendance for adding to the village who helped him get and stay sober. “This disease doesn’t discriminate and the solution is universal, “ he concluded to a standing ovation.

Finally, new Board Chair Bob Miller thanked the room for coming and showing their support. Excited and proud to take the helm, he, too, acknowledged that singularly nothing was possible. “We’re expanding and we’re going to need your help.”

The village was called and the village answered. Now we must continue to build.

For a complete transcript of the evening’s events visit us on Twitter and search for #FIGala.

2012 Mona Mansell Award Dinner

Mon, 14 May 2012 16:25:40 -0400

What a Difference a Year Makes!

We were sad to miss our own Benefit last year, so we are doubly thrilled to gather together again with Freedom Institute's closest friends for the Mona Mansell Award Dinner. Please save the date: Monday, May 14, 2012, at The Pierre Hotel.

Individual tickets are $750 and tables start at $10,000. Junior Tickets (available to 18-25 year olds) are only $375 and if you "Like" us on Facebook or "Follow" us on Twitter, you'll get another 20% off! All proceeds go towards our adolescent services.

For further information please contact Megan English at megan.english@freedominstitute.org or 212-838-0044 ext. 40.

Time Magazine, Really?

Fri, 11 May 2012 16:48:31 -0400

Just in time for Mother’s Day, Time has produced its cover article on “Attachment Parenting”, successfully manufacturing another media frenzy about “Who does it better?” motherhood. As my daughters would say: Really? I am so bored by this topic that I vowed not to the contribute to the blogosphere, despite my attachment to attachment.

Then I woke up to 23 messages on my Blackberry, walked into my office of many enraged mothers and women, and observed that Time magazine has indeed accomplished exactly what its (male) editor undoubtedly intended: to start another war about motherhood. And sell a whole lot of magazines.

Congratulations.

So ladies, let’s look past the obvious and practice a little media deconstruction. I didn’t personally have a problem with the photograph, though almost everyone else I’ve spoken with does. She is, after all, an actual mother who practices “attachment parenting” (as opposed to, I guess, non-attachment parenting), was raised by “attached parents” (whatever that means), and was herself breastfed until six. I have no doubt that she deeply believes in her childrearing practices, and if she happens to be young and gorgeous as well, God bless her.

But other mothers in my office pointed out things I missed. Megan, who practiced extended breastfeeding, pointed out that it’s perfectly possible for a mother to breastfeed a four-year old child on her lap, with her arms around him. While he looks at her, instead of the camera.

Hummm….

The cover photo framed by the banner “Are you Mom enough?” is a statement so blatantly manipulative that I hoped I wouldn’t have to give it airtime. But then I read Time’s description of the intention behind the cover:

“The idea of all magazine covers is to get people to pay attention to what is inside. This is a serious story about the debate of how people are raising their children.”

Really? I know that Time has to sell magazines, but c’mon. Is there anyone out there who believes that the question, “Are you Mom enough?” was intended to contribute to a serious conversation about how we raise our children?

It sounds more like locker room bravado to me. And Tina Brown, (Editor in Chief of Newsweek), evidently agrees. According to Keith Kelly, when she saw the cover, she laughed and said “Let the games begin.”

Really?

These media circuses create wars in which parents and children get hurt. They exploit parents’ innate desire to care for their children as best they can, and turn “parenting” (a verb I would be very happy never to hear again) into a competition. In fact, Bill Sears' theory of “attachment parenting” is simply a parenting practice that is defined by close proximity. It’s more frequently seen in non-Western and agrarian cultures that value communal bonds over individual achievement. But when you label it, as Time does (in an extraordinarily ethnocentric moment), as “extreme parenting,” we all enter a race that nobody wins.

If you truly want to practice parenting that is informed by attachment theory, ignore parenting manifestos and focus on your child. A secure attachment relationship is characterized by a parent’s sensitivity and responsiveness to her/his child. This forms a highly individualized relationship that is constructed around the needs and temperament of both parent and child. It requires patience, attention and devotion, not an evaluation of oneself relative to other parents.

So, for Mother’s Day, I have a suggestion. Resist Time’s attempt to manipulate your passion for your children into a judgmental stance about other parents. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Nine times out of ten, they are doing the best they can do. When you need “expert” advice, listen first to the real expert. Your child. As Sally Provence, a wise child analyst, said long ago, “Don’t just do something. Stand there and pay attention. Your child is trying to tell you something.”

And as for Time magazine, Really? Grow up.

Lady Gaga: A Work in Progress

Fri, 11 May 2012 16:35:20 -0400

Pop icon Lady Gaga recently sat down to an interview with Amanda de Cadenet on Lifetime Television’s new show, “The Conversation.” She covered a range of topics: sex, loneliness, cocaine use, and personal fulfillment. The 25 year-old Gaga is passionate about women honoring themselves and seeking out their “true happiness.” Whether the older set identifies or understands her “style” is irrelevant. Gaga has captured the spirits and imaginations of the younger generation and when she speaks, her fans listen. In this case that’s a win/win.

Before Gaga became Gaga she endured a considerable period of darkness. Depressed and lonely, Gaga dropped out of school at 19 to pursue music. It is unclear as to whether she is in recovery from cocaine but she certainly abused what she calls “the White Devil.” After a heavy night of use, she found herself doubled over in the shower drinking NyQuil to come down and pleading to God, “Let me live through the night and I’ll never do [this] again.” She and host, de Cadenet, agree that the pain of drug abuse rivals no other and that at the end of their use neither one actually got high – they just felt sick. “Cocaine is such a terrible way to fill that void because it just adds to the void,” she warns.

What transformed Lady Gaga and broke the tie with drugs was the determined search for what makes her truly happy. She threw herself into her work and committed every ounce of energy into the creative process. “You have to know [what you want] on the inside…and knife-fight your way to your dream.” She encouraged viewers to get out of unhealthy and unfulfilling relationships acknowledging that every woman should feel like a goddess. For Gaga's millions of young fans, it is a relief to know Gaga dated but then dumped "the White Devil." Maybe, just maybe, she's done the research for them.

Beating the Bully - The White House Weighs In

Wed, 09 May 2012 15:01:51 -0400

Katherine Prudente is doing a guest-blog series, "Beating the Bully: Cope with Bullying At Any Age" at PscyhCentral.com. We will be re-publishing her blogs here.

The White House Takes on Bullying!

I was catching up on my google news feed from the weekend and saw several blog posts about Obama’s endorsement for two anti-bullying legislative acts. A few Internet searches later I found a White House post about their efforts to end bullying.

Regardless of your political persuasion, I gather we all want our kids to feel safe in their schools. Passing legislation to stop bullying is a huge step towards cultural change in America.

The two pieces of legislation are the Student Non-Discrimination Act (SNDA) and the Safe Schools Improvement Act (SSIA). The SNDA prohibits discrimination of students in public schools based on sexual orientation or perceived sexual orientation.

Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Questioning (LGBTQ) youth are at higher risk for being targeted. Furthermore, students who do not identify as LGBTQ are still targeted and at times labeled ’gay.’ This behavior perpetuates homophobia throughout our communities, making it unsafe for LGBTQ youth and their allies.

The SSIA is an amendment to the Elementary and Secondary Education Act of 1965, requiring more comprehensive measures to be put in place to address bullying at the State to local level. You can track both pieces of legislation via the links above.

When I work in school, I stress that top-down action is necessary to stop any issue plaguing a community. Top-down action refers to the need for Schools to have rules, procedures, and services in place to address an issue. Top-down action is necessary and this new legislation is frankly the tippy top!

Bullying is a systemic problem as well as an interpersonal one. Let’s hope the message against it does not get diluted on the way down.

Speak Up For Kids

Mon, 07 May 2012 16:38:15 -0400

At Freedom Institute, we keep a close eye on our neighbor, Child Mind Institute. They elegantly serve our community in three distinct ways: treatment, science and advocacy. Could there be a better combo?

Today, CMI launched their week-long campaign, "Speak Up For Kids" as part of National Children’s Mental Health Awareness Week. Donna and I had the pleasure to sit in as Dr. Harold Koplewicz led the attendees of this morning's press breakfast through some of their initiatives. According to Dr. Koplewicz, 15 million children in the U.S. suffer from a psychiatric or learning disorder and most will not receive any treatment. Kids who have ADHD and don't receive treatment are ten times more likely to drop out of high school, engage in substance abuse and/or participate in criminal activity. Plainly stated, early medical intervention with psychiatric and learning disorders is critically important. This is a really big deal - an obvious win/win - and yet getting a national conversation started about childhood mental health is akin to pushing a boulder uphill. Brooke Neidech, Chairwoman of the Board of CMI, maintains that the problem is stigma. In her personal experience, the general public is more comfortable talking about Chron's Disease, colitis and other bodily functions than mentioning mental health issues. Stigma is crippling and keeps parents away from getting help they need for their child for an average of two years - years which are crucial in brain formation and function.

Within the decade, CMI hopes to see a new level of diagnostic ability grow from an ongoing program they are developing throughout the U.S. By soliciting the aid of psychiatrists and mental health centers across the nation, Child Mind hopes to create "growth charts" for the brain. They are collecting thousands of MRIs from children with the intent of creating biomarkers, similar to the height and weight charts for children at various stages of development. These efforts and subsequent findings could go a long way in shifting public opinion. Ultimately, Dr. Koplewicz and his team believe that diagnosis is the #1 issue with these disorders.

While CMI believes in the miracles of modern science and medication, they do not accept funding from Big Pharma. Their insistence on keeping science honest lends even more gravitas to the work they do. At Freedom Institute, we deeply believe in the mission and work of CMI, and recognize them as an great asset to our community as well as a leader in their field. Please join us as we "Speak Up" with Child Mind Institute in creating a national conversation for children's wellbeing.

An Hourly Problem with Lifelong Ramifications

Thu, 03 May 2012 13:59:47 -0400

The New York Times put out two articles Monday on opiate addiction in the U.S. The first reported on a new study in The Journal of the American Medical Association that estimates a baby is born every hour addicted to opiates. Researchers examined differences between substantial data collected in 2000 and 2009. In 2009, five times as many mothers were found to be using opiate drugs while the number of addicted infants rose threefold. The financial strain also increased with the cost of treating an addicted infant rising an astonishing 35% from 2000 to roughly $53,000. One reason given for the alarming rise in use is the preponderance of prescription medication. This is no longer just an issue for heroin addicts or other needle junkies.

Enter the second New York Times piece which highlights a dilemma faced by physicians in the E.R.: to prescribe or not to prescribe? The National Institutes of Health funded a survey that found from 1997-2007 75% of visits to the ER for dental pain concluded with prescriptions for painkillers. Anecdotally, doctors see patients going from ER to ER to acquire multiple prescriptions. Because of client satisfaction surveys, lack of emergency dental training and high client turnover, many doctors find offering medications the easier, softer way. Citing several factors including client satisfaction surveys, veteran ER physician Dr. Tom Benzoni feels it is a catch-22, “If you’re going to criticize me for not giving out narcotics, and you never praise me for correctly identifying a drug-seeker, then I’m going to give out narcotics.”

Further education and training for doctors is certainly one way to start carving out a solution. But what about Big Pharma? Maybe we should be looking at how addictive these medications really are.

Hand Sanitizer: The New Zima?

Wed, 02 May 2012 17:17:58 -0400

This article was originally published on the web site of Child Mind Institute, a multi-faceted advocate for globally improving mental health care for children. Based in New York City, Child Mind is committed to researching and treating childhood psychiatric and learning disorders. A thought leader in their field, their website supports a growing community of parents who need help for their children.

Today, the Internet is "on fire" with stories about California teens getting drunk on hand sanitizer, a bellwether of what CBS News says "may be a fast-growing dangerous trend." We know of six teens who ended up in the emergency room with alcohol poisoning after drinking the stuff, and no wonder: it is 62% alcohol, much more potent than even hard liquor.

We often hear about alarming trends in teen substance abuse. In the 80s and 90s, I remember hearing a lot about the dangers of mouthwash. Recently, we were inundated with stories about teens inserting tampons soaked in hard alcohol for an undetectable buzz. With all of these horror stories, it seems almost obvious that hand sanitizer would be next. In any case, these are all quite alarming, and for good reason—they are very well outside what we would consider normal or acceptable behavior for our children.

And that is what is potentially harmful about this sort of story. As a society we like to pay attention to bizarre conduct on the part of a very few young people, at the same time that we turn a generally blind eye to the more widespread problem of "standard" teen drinking and the abuse of illicit drugs. The fact is that for many teens it is fairly easy to buy beer or marijuana or ecstasy. We should not let that fact escape us because of a sensational new "trend" that relies as much on media hype as on real world evidence for its existence.

If you consider hand sanitizer a threat to your child, or something she might come in contact with as a drug of abuse, by all means have a frank conversation with her in the same way you would discuss alcohol, or marijuana. However, I cannot in good conscience ignore Gawker writer Caity Weaver's inspired rejoinder to the frenzy of attention and hand-waving that has accompanied this story: "If you are a parent who wants to prevent your teen from getting sloshed off Mr. Clean's Tears, the first thing you should do is make sure they are aware this even exists as an option in the first place."

Just because this danger is likely inflated doesn't mean that the old stand-bys aren't still waiting for our kids. But at least parents can drop that old saw about the bridge. If your kid complains that everyone is doing something, ask him, "If everyone was drinking hand sanitizer, would you drink it, too?"

Published: April 25, 2012.

Look Up

Wed, 02 May 2012 12:56:36 -0400

Loneliness is all over the news these days. Last week I arrived home to my new issue of The Atlantic, which contained Stephen Marche’s headline article, “Is Facebook Making Us Lonely?”. Without taking off my coat, I sat down and read the entire article on the stairs. Marche depicts technological “connection” with an image that immediately brought to mind Joan Didion’s chilling, 1970 book, Play It as It Lays. Maria is a young woman recovering from a breakdown, detached and alienated from everyone in her life. Eventually concluding that when you can’t find meaning in an action or relationship, you have to make it up (“play it as it lays”), she spends her days compulsively driving the California freeways.

This brought to mind Sherry Turkle. Her excellent Op-Ed piece in the New York Times last Sunday described her fears about the lack of connection that technology has produced in human relationships. When I met Sherry fifteen years ago, she was a professor at MIT, using Ferbies to study the relational effects of artificial intelligence on children and adults. We both had young children at the time and we were filled with enthusiasm for the possibilities she imagined in the brave new technological world that lay ahead (read her 1996 book, Life on the Screen).

Today, Sherry is still at MIT, but she’s considerably more skeptical about how computers affect us as humans. Her brilliant book, Alone Together, is a must-read for anyone interested in human-computer relationships. Suffice it to say, if she’s concerned, we should all be concerned.

So I was already preoccupied by loneliness when I went to a conference last week about the social and emotional health of adolescents. We looked at data gathered from first-year college students regarding their transition from high school to college. The students were asked what had been challenging for them in college and were given a list of thirty-four variables. Examples included: “lack of privacy”, difficulty of academics”, “homesickness”, and “temptation to party and skip school.” What was the largest response, a challenge to almost 40% of the adolescents surveyed?

Loneliness.

Freshman year is a big transition for most kids, and to some extent, it’s both expected and appropriate that they feel challenged. But loneliness is a state characterized by isolation, alienation, and lack of connection. Generally speaking, it’s not an experience that we would describe as a healthy challenge for anyone, let alone a vulnerable teenager, living away from home for the first time, with that still-forming, pesky prefrontal cortex. In fact, it’s usually a state that people try to avoid feeling. A lot of our clients end up at the doors of Freedom Institute seeking help for substance abuse problems that grew out of their attempts to escape loneliness.

Increasingly, I hear adolescents themselves wondering how technology has changed their lives. Recently a young woman came to talk to me about her relationships at college. Laura is bright, beautiful, curious, and utterly engaging. She was educated at a private school in Manhattan, attends an Ivy League college, and by almost every measure has had a successful transition: she has many new friends and a boyfriend. Her courses are interesting, her workload is “easy”, and she feels closely connected to her supportive family.

Laura came to see me because she was worried that there is something wrong with her relationships, or more specifically, her own capacity to have relationships. She said:

Sometimes I feel like my friends and I don’t know how to have relationships. We’ve all spent so much time online and on Facebook that I don’t know if any of us know how to make new friends. We are all so awkward and scared when we are face to face. It’s a lot easier to be online. You can be smarter, quicker and funnier there than you are in real life. It really hard for me to put myself out there when I am so much better online.

Turkle echoes this sentiment in her Op-Ed piece: “Texting and e-mail and posting let us present the self we want to be. This means we can edit. And if we wish to, we can delete. Or retouch: the voice, the flesh, the face, the body. Not too much, not too little — just right.”

When I keep reading and hearing about high levels of loneliness in adolescents, it makes me wonder what’s going on. Or what’s going wrong. If technology has created a world of increasingly disconnected relationships, our children are going to be the first generation to pay the price. What will this mean for their social, emotional and cognitive development? Not to mention their psychological health, which we know depends, first and foremost, upon connection and attachment?

Here’s Marche’s description of the world our children inhabit.

Within this world of instant and absolute communication, unbounded by limits of time or space, we suffer from unprecedented alienation. We have never been more detached from one another, or lonelier. In a world consumed by ever more novel modes of socializing, we have less and less actual society. We live in an accelerating contradiction: the more connected we become, the lonelier we are. We were promised a global village; instead we inhabit the drab cul-de-sacs and endless freeways of a vast suburb of information.

Finding this reality bleak and alarming, I turned again to Sherry for comfort. She closed her Times piece with the following:

I spend the summers at a cottage on Cape Cod, and for decades I walked the same dunes that Thoreau once walked. Not too long ago, people walked with their heads up, looking at the water, the sky, the sand and at one another, talking. Now they often walk with their heads down, typing. Even when they are with friends, partners, children, everyone is on their own devices.

So I say, look up, look at one another, and let’s start the conversation.

Stop. Look up. Start a conversation. Our children are telling us they need us.

Beating the Bully - Part 6

Tue, 01 May 2012 11:30:47 -0400

Katherine Prudente is doing a guest-blog series, "Beating the Bully: Cope with Bullying At Any Age" at PscyhCentral.com. We will be re-publishing her blogs here.

A Bully for Bullies!

If you are an administrator and have thought of everything to do to stop kids from bullying each other – mediation, lectures, school assemblies with speakers like myself, bringing in parents, punishing the bullies – what is left?

Meet the Scary Guy!

I receive a google news feed in my email daily and saw this article. I was immediately intrigued! I’ve learned that the Scary Guy is covered in tattoos from head to toe with studs in his eye sockets (yup he’s a scary guy!). He conducts large scale assemblies at schools. For a short interview and clip of his presentation see this article on CNN.

As a drama therapist, I enjoy seeing him use projection (looking scary and acting like a bully, thus allowing students to connect and understand the topic) and performance. Theater has always been a means for us to examine our world. Still, I wonder…does it work?

Without seeing a full performance, my best educated guess is that he creates a buzz around a school and some short term changes are observed. What happens a week afterward? A month? Do students remember the Scary Guy moments before they taunt someone in the bathroom? Perhaps…or not.

My belief is without processing his performance afterward and having continue attention on the topic any changes will be lost. These types of assemblies that shock and engage viewers are great catalysts for change but cannot be the remedy for the problem alone.

I haven’t observed his work personally (although am curious…). If you have seen his work at a school I’d love to hear your opinion.

Comments to the original post are here.

Running Towards the Truth

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 17:10:49 -0400

Neatly coinciding with the end of Alcohol Awareness Month, Olympian Leah Pells is releasing her new book, Not About a Medal. Canadian native Pells is a three-time Olympian but her book, aptly titled, does not focus on her highly acclaimed running career. She tells her story of growing up with an alcoholic mother. Journalist Shelley Fralic of the Vancouver Sun interviewed Pells earlier this week and reviewed the book yesterday. Moved by Pells’ description of an emergency room visit for her mother’s nasty fall shortly before passing, she included the following excerpt:

The look on mum's face was one of pure shame and embarrassment. I'd had it. I was fed up with these judgments. She had endured a lifetime of negative remarks about her illness and always just took it, never fighting back. I was done listening to other people's judgments, especially from a medical professional. I ... let out a long stream of words, which, in no uncertain terms, let the doctor know she was ill and to keep such derogatory remarks to himself.

Finding the book difficult to read (at moments) because of the pain endured by its protagonist, Fralic observes, “Pells knows that running saved her… it was her way out of the cyclical trap that many children of alcoholic parents fall into.”

Dr. Tian Dayton is exploring these relationships in her new book, The ACoA Trauma Syndrome, which is to be released in September. People in alcoholic families who grow up with trauma sometimes suffer from long-lasting effects that require help and attention. A form of post-traumatic stress reaction, these childhood relationships often get played out in adult relationships.

So Pells’ story, while not unique, is one that desperately needs to be shared in the mainstream media. The more people who bring attention to these issues, the better chance the recovery community has at alleviating them.

Greatest Generation Takes a Hit (Or Several)

Fri, 27 Apr 2012 14:47:38 -0400

We older alcoholics are finally getting our due.

As I listened to Juan Harris and Bob Reid from Hanley Center speak last week on the older population’s drinking and drugging, it’s clear that we have gotten the attention of the treatment community. I have long known about seniors and drinking because I represented a scotch whiskey importer in my former life. My highest sales came from retirement communities, airport lounges and military bases. I gave dozens of wine tastings in senior club houses and believe me, they were well-attended. Booze was the primary “antidote” to old age and no one really saw it as a problem. These days, this same age group has been exposed to pain killers and sleep medications - but they are not “drug addicts” because “they were prescribed.”

Nonsense.

I have noticed the graying of the AA population around me. But as we know, old age doesn’t guarantee smarts. In the rooms, I see the attitude amongst some of these older newcomers, “What do these youngsters know?” and “I spilled more than these people drank.” Funny and irreverent, this lack of humility and criticism can lead directly to relapse. I think a lot of folks are wondering how they even got here in the first place.

Hanley Center, which operates under the Caron umbrella, recently released a fantastic, eye-opening study on seniors. Here are a few of the facts collected from the survey:

While 79 percent of adults ages 48 and older said their first experience with drugs and/or alcohol occurred before the age of 25, 40 percent said they considered themselves to be substance abusers after the age of 48
More than 90 percent of respondents named alcohol as one of the substances they actively abused
49.5 percent of respondents reported prescription drug abuse
More than 40 percent of respondents said their families and loved ones most influenced their decision to seek treatment

The Hanley Center study articulates many of the factors that play into this phenomena and it is important to take a closer look at them. However, I think there are also subtle differences in the two senior populations described – the aging Baby Boomers and “Golden Oldies” - beyond the obvious generation gap.

In my opinion, the intense pressure of today’s world plays a large part in the increased numbers of Baby Boomers addicted to alcohol and pills. The very thought of facing the day is challenging; commuting, job pressure (performance, the rapid growth of technology, etc.) and home pressures (increasing tuition, mortgage, the flailing economy, etc.). For some people, the thought of catching the 6:09AM from Scarsdale is enough to make one think of taking some of the pressure off with a simple pill or a shot in one’s coffee. Plus, there is an unspoken pressure to live up to the expectations of their parents’ generation. Some people can carry this with them their whole lives.

Another factor is that the tolerance one has to booze diminishes with age. The twenty year old who drank a six-pack just got a buzz, but now he feels it after two beers. Alternately, the pill abuser has to increase the dosage to achieve the euphoria once achieved at a lower dosage.

Of course the Golden Oldies have none of those problems. Their commute is to the kitchen table, the social center or clubhouse. And times have not changed that much. They will still be invited, welcomed or even ushered to FREE wine tastings at least once or twice a week. Throw in the financial climate, worries about retirement money, healthcare, and getting older and it is clear why we suddenly see an uptick in people needing help.

So it makes sense. I’m sorry it took this long to make national news – but I’m glad it has. To all the youngsters out there, I say “respect your elders.” But keep an eye on them – sometimes they need direction just like anybody else.

Beating the Bully - Part 5

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 16:30:28 -0400

Katherine Prudente is doing a guest-blog series, "Beating the Bully: Cope with Bullying At Any Age" at PscyhCentral.com. We will be re-publishing her blogs here.

Bullying Basics

With all the talk about bullying in the media (most recently spawned by the film ‘Bully’) do we really know what it is?

Violence Prevention Works defines bullying as aggressive behavior that is intentional and that involves an imbalance of power. Most often repeated over time. Bullying can manifest in physical violence (the most obvious acts of bullying), verbal attacks, and non-verbal behavior (i.e. exclusion from activities, being the last student chosen for a sports team at recess) which I consider acts of relational aggression.

All types of bullying are detrimental to a developing child’s sense of self-worth. We know that children who are victims of bullying are:

More likely to do poorly in school.
More likely to have or develop mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety.
More likely to develop substance abuse issues.
More likely to bully themselves.

A subcategory of bullying that I often discuss with students, faculty and parents is the aforementioned relational aggression. Relational aggression is conceptualized as behaviors that harm others by damaging, threatening to damage, manipulating one’s relationships with his/her peers, or by injuring one’s feelings of social acceptance. For purposes of this blog post, when I refer to bullying, I am discussing both bullying and relational aggression.

Some examples are:

Excluding someone from an activity.
Purposefully not allowing someone to sit at a lunch table.
Ignoring someone.
Rumor spreading. *

The Ophelia Project has been at the forefront of educating the public at large about relational aggression.

When discussing bullying, I highlight the many roles involved:

The bully = the person instigating the act.
The victim = the person being target
The bystander(s) = the person or people that are witness to the act. They can be active or passive.

What makes bullying such a malignant problem is that the negative mental health effects are not temporary once the behavior ends. While many people who were victimized as children grow up to be healthy and well-adjusted adults, there is growing research that shows depression and low self-esteem stemming from being a victim stays with people into adulthood.

Additionally, victims of bullying are more likely to end up in other relationships in which they are victimized such as dysfunctional and abusive romantic relationships.

Our early relationships from infancy and childhood shape how we think relationships “should be” as adults. Therefore, if a child learns early on that his/her relationships are defined by humiliation, dis-empowerment, aggression and maltreatment then that child can go on to recreate the victim-bully dynamic in all their relationships well into adulthood.

At Freedom Institute where I am a counselor, we conduct workshops with students, faculty, and parents on how to identify bullying, what to do when it is observed, and how to foster a safe school environment. We work to empower bystanders to be upstanders, people that stand up to the bully and ally themselves with the victim. The less a young person feels isolated, the less impact the bully has on the victim’s well-being.

While our focus at Freedom Institute has been on substance abuse prevention, the impact that bullying has on young people is not mutually exclusive to the choices they make regarding substance use.

In my private practice with adults, the way in which being bullied as a child shapes one’s self concept is never lost on me. I cannot forget one of my first patients** – a young man in his mid-twenties who struggled with severe depression. He sought therapy to address his self-confidence at work and felt angry all the time. When I asked him when he could remember feeling this way for the first time, he recalled being bullied so often that he would write self-described hate letters to the students that targeted him while in school to cope.

During treatment, we often discussed how feeling victimized and angry interfered with effectively communicating with colleagues while making friendships and any potential romantic relationships difficult. Simultaneously, we explored his adolescence but with me in the role of an upstander. I empathized with him and helped the younger version of himself that was still reeling from the pain begin to heal.

Since the blog went live last week I’ve gotten messages from friends, colleagues and even a comment on a post sharing how bullying has affected them. It’s a testament to how important it is to keep this topic in our consciousness! The more we explore bullying with our young people, the more empowered they will be.

We want our children to stand up for themselves and be upstandrers for each other. Bullies need other kids to buy in to the dynamic for it to continue. Upstanders have the most power to change the dynamic between a bully and a target. Keep your eyes open for my next post on how to help our kids be upstanders.

*Taken from http://www.opheliaproject.org/main/ra_faq.htm

**Any identifying information about patients have been deleted or changed to maintain their anonymity.

Beating the Bully - Part 4

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 10:55:09 -0400

Katherine Prudente is doing a guest-blog series, "Beating the Bully: Cope with Bullying At Any Age" at PscyhCentral.com. We will be re-publishing her blogs here.

Teen Essay Contest on Bullying Sponsored by The New York Times

The buzz about bullying continues!

I’d like to share that Nicholas Kristof, op-ed columnist for the New York Times, is sponsoring a teen essay contest about bullying and how teens think we should address it.

See the details here.

Miss Wisconsin Talks About Growing Up With Addiction

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 10:06:26 -0400

Originally published on HuffingtonPost.com 4/22/12.

Mariah Haberman, recently crowned "Miss Wisconsin" is using her platform as a pageant winner to talk about what it is like to grow up in an alcoholic family. And she is speaking out about the "protective relationships" that helped her to build resilience and strength so that she could thrive in spite of the odds.

"I don't think my life was stolen from me, but (their drinking) totally shaped the person I am today," says Haberman."I grew up in a family where alcohol was very prevalent, alcohol was always around and eventually in 2007 my step father was killed in a drunk driving accident, that obviously changed my life. And it changed my entire family's life." Like so many children trapped in families where alcohol is "very prevalent", Haberman kept the family secret. "I never spoke a word about our dysfunctional lifestyle while I was growing up. I wanted that family of perfection look from the outside,but when my stepfather died, I realized enough was enough and the weight fell off my shoulders and I was ready to speak out. My grandmother was my number one role model, she was a really a positive influence, really pushed education and always taught me to dream big, so I attribute my ambition and success to her."

And there was someone else, too. A step mother.

"Fortunately,I was able to look up to my grandmother and my stepmother. Their presence was vital in my life, I wouldn't have been able to be the nurturing role model to my siblings had I not had them," says Haberman in an article in The Reporter by Colleen Kottke, "I also feel so blessed that my siblings have been able to grow from this experience, too, and are better people because of it."

This ability to look at the glass as half full and to make positive meaning from suffering and to learn from experience, are core qualities of the resilient child.

Protective Factors

Research on resilience consistently talks about "a bonded relationship" as being one of the two primary "protective factors" when it comes to helping children in risky situations thrive, the other being average or above average intelligence. Not only did her grandmother and her stepmother provide the love and support for Haberman to "dream big" in her own life, but Mariah feels that she was able, with the help of these influences, to be a good model thanks to the progressive ripple effect of love. This underscores the vital difference that a positive relationship, usually in the family, can make, not only in one child's life, but the lives that that surround it. A grandmother or step mother, in other words, can turn the tide for a whole generation.

Haberman Speaks Out

"Talking to someone back then would have helped immensely. Maybe we could have even saved our family if we had brought this into the open 5-10 years earlier, instead of one of my parents having to die from an issue that we kept quiet about."

One in four American children lives in the chaos, isolation and confusion created by parental alcohol abuse or alcoholism and countless others also suffer because of their parents' drug use.' says Sis Wenger, CEO of The National Association for Children of Alcoholics (nacoa.org), "but it doesn't have to be that way."

"I understand now the power of talking about it," says Haberman, "no one came up to me and asked if I needed help.I felt it was right to speak up and make this my platform,the day I won I was really doing some deep thinking, why do I want to be Miss Wisconsin?"

Today, Miss Wisconsin goes into class rooms and talks to magazines and on radio interviews with ACOA issues as her platform.

"It was tough bringing that out into the open, but I new I had a message that I wanted to get out there. Drinking, drinking and driving, binge drinking...there's this mass of issues that alcohol touches and here in Wisconsin it's a huge problem..... It's difficult to change people's mind about alcoholism...my main goal is to really get people thinking about it, there's all sorts of references to alcohol that we never think about. I think we need to take it seriously."

Follow Dr. Tian Dayton on Twitter: www.twitter.com/tian dayton

Beating the Bully - Part 3

Fri, 20 Apr 2012 09:00:00 -0400

Katherine Prudente is doing a guest-blog series, "Beating the Bully: Cope with Bullying At Any Age" at PscyhCentral.com. We will be re-publishing her blogs here.

Bring Your Child to See ‘Bully’ Despite the R Rating

Like many who have seen the film, I agree that the initial R rating of the film, ‘Bully’ was counterproductive. Tara Parker-Pope writes why the film is a family film here.

I encourage parents to bring children as young as 13. The language can be extremely upsetting but children are witness to this every day. Parents be at the ready! Seeing this film should lead to a discussion about how your child connects to the film and coming up with a “game plan,’ if they are witness to bullying or are victims of it. Often times children who are bullied or bystanders are resistant on disclosing the behavior for two reasons:

That the bully will target them more or target them instead (if they are a bystander).
The adults won’t take their concerns seriously.

Watching the film is a teachable moment for you and your child. As parents, you can help your child develop a sense of integrity that no one should be treated poorly and feel unsafe. Additionally, you are letting your child know that you do take this matter seriously and they should not be afraid to tell you should this happen. The shame felt by victims and bystanders all too often helps perpetuate the bullying cycle.

What do you do if your child identifies as a bully? I had a mother ask me this during a parent talk last year! First and foremost, expressing to your child that their behavior is unacceptable and that there are consequences for their actions when they come to your attention. I encouraged her to discipline her son for his behavior, discuss with him why his behavior is unacceptable, try to uncover some reasons why this may be happening and lastly reflect on how their home environment can foster empathy, compassion and kindness. Bullies learn their behavior often from their own experiences of feeling victimized. I want to point out that I emphasize behavior because we want our children to understand that feelings are one thing, behaviors are another. You can feel angry but do not have to shove someone into a locker. If we can help our children tease out feelings from behaviors, we allow them to develop better affect management.

For child that identifies as a victim, I always suggest first to respond to what you see. If your child discloses being a target, take in their facial expression: are they tearful? Do they look angry? Verbally mirror the feeling you see so that your child can feel understood and validated. For example if you see anger in your child’s face, “I can see you’re really angry! I’m so sorry this is happening and I’m glad you’re telling me so I can help you.” Feeling validated can go miles for a child who feels victimized! Once you are made aware of bullying, informing other adults about what’s happening and advocating for your child’s safety is an intuitive next step. A difficult one none the less! This is where it can get tricky for parents and I plan on writing about tips on approaching you’re child’s school in the coming weeks.

Finding out what happens in your child’s day is vital in ensuring they are safe out of your home. While they may not tell you everything, seeing this film together can open up a dialogue that might only happen after an incident.

UPDATE: 4/6/2012 I’ve just learned that an edited version of the film received a PG-13 rating! Nation wide release is scheduled for April 13, 2012.

The Secrets of the Secret Service

Thu, 19 Apr 2012 16:10:52 -0400

Last week members of the Secret Service became embroiled in a prostitution scandal that embarrassed the President and confounded the country. How and why did this happen? Rob Weiss, renowned sex-addiction expert and clinician, has been leading the charge to use “this incident as a wake-up sign.” He has reached out to major health news outlets and directed their attention to the darker underbelly of the reality occurring for these men. In his frank entry on PsychCentral.com, he shares his vast experience treating servicemen and women. He describes what seems to be a toxic culture of sexual abuse amongst military ranks - from well-known issues of harassment to lesser-known instances of male-on-male rape. He believes that “problem sexual behavior” in the military has been “swept under the rug” for too long.

Rob Weiss isn’t the only one looking at this scandal through the lense of addiction. Author Susan Cheever has a fresh take on the episode. “This may be a sex scandal, but it is primarily a drinking scandal,” she writes. “Without the booze there would almost certainly have been no prostitutes…” The fact that drugs and alcohol were a visible part of the story seems to have been largely overlooked. Cheever invokes societal notions that continue to accept boy bad-boy behavior and reward hard-drinking ways. Talk about a toxic culture! This attitude serves no one. And yet, like Rob Weiss, Cheever recognizes a certain type of person is drawn to this line of work. This suggests that the male-dominated culture is likely bred from the top down. One long-term solution may be to incorporate more women into the service. Cheever even takes it a step further concluding that if female secret service agents had been present in Cartagena, this incident would not likely have happened.

Arthur Miller said it best, “Attention must be paid.” Regardless of how we get to the solution, there is one thing we know for sure: if you leave something untreated it only gets worse.

Rob Weiss is joining us on September 14^th for a professionals training on sex addiction. His visit will kick off what we hope will shape into a month-long web-driven focus on process addictions. Stay tuned for further details.

A Blood Test for Depression?

Tue, 17 Apr 2012 17:06:18 -0400

A study was published today in Translational Psychiatry that could really change how we diagnose depression. The internet has been buzzing with clinicians weighing in on the potential of the findings. Some people even feel this may help alleviate the stigma associated with mental health issues. We have procured WebMD’s review of the study, which puts some of the more clinical aspects of the study in lay terms. It should be noted that many of the researchers involved feel larger studies are needed before conclusions can be drawn accurately. What do you think about this recent development?

4/20/12 - UPDATE: There has been curiosity as to who funded this study. Because many studies are funded by pharmaceutical companies (who would ultimately benefit from higher occurrence of diagnoses) we were encouraged to do some digging to find the funding source. Upon further investigation, we found the following entities listed as supporters: the Davee Foundation, the RD Foundation, the NIH Grant MH077234, and the Research Institute of Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus, OH. We inspected the Form 990's of the Davee Foundation and found that their charitable giving was spread over multiple sectors. However, internet searches did not yield helpful results for the RD Foundation. Please let us know if you have further information and we will update this post accordingly.

Beating the Bully: Cope with Bullying At Any Age - Part 2

Mon, 16 Apr 2012 16:30:00 -0400

Katherine Prudente is doing a guest-blog series, "Beating the Bully: Cope with Bullying At Any Age" at PscyhCentral.com. We will be re-publishing her blogs here. This second entry was originally published on April 5, 2012.

‘Bully’ Shows the Unfortunate Cruelty of Adolescence

When I heard on NPR that the film, ‘Bully’ was going to be released in New York and Los Angles without a rating this weekend due to the language in it (which I will address in another post) I got to the theater as soon as I could. ‘Bully’ directed by Lee Hirsch, produced by Lee Hirsch and Cynthia Lowen follows several teenagers and their families who have suffered due to bullying.

I initially wanted to write yet another review of the film but my emotional response that was shared by everyone in the audience seems more salient. Why?

My firm belief is that in order to stop bullying, we have to feel all the feelings that the victims do, increasing our capacity for empathy to incite intervention…and that is what the film does best. This post is part review, part response. To read some wonderful reviews see the New York Times review by A.O. Scott or Crystal Bell’s on Huffington Post.

In the opening minutes we meet Alex in Sioux City, IA who, in an attempt to make a friend, asks a boy on the bus, “You’re going to be my buddy?” The teenager replies in a contemptuous filled diatribe describing how he would sodomize him with a broom stick.

It was sickening to hear as it is for me to recall as I type.

We then meet Kelby, a star basketball player from Tuttle, OK. Once Kelby came out as a lesbian her home community turned her back on her. Touring her now former school, Kelby walks through various rooms sharing her story. At the gymnasium she heavily sighs,”This is where it was the worst …I could have had a scholarship.” Kelby recalls that the homophobic rhetoric came from students and from teachers. Appalling.

The disappointment felt by the victimized children bleeds through the screen as we watch Ja’Meya’s ordeal unfold. At 14, she was taunted on her school bus so much that she hit a breaking point, bringing her mother’s gun to scare the bullies. We meet her in the local Juvenile Justice facility, awaiting a hearing. A local police officer states that no amount of bullying or verbal taunting justifies Ja’Meya bringing a gun on the bus, listing the 40+ counts she could be charged with.

Lastly, the director weaves in the stories of the Long and Smalley families who sons, Tyler 17 and Ty 11 respectively, both committed suicide after years of bullying. Ty’s best friend shares how he was the biggest bully in 2nd grade but by 4th or 5th grade he realized how hurtful he was and began to get along with everyone. “If I were King of the United States…” there would be an end to bullying declares the devoted boy.

While watching the film we are witness to various school and law enforcement officials who feel helpless, attempt to minimize the viciousness of bullying or seem to feel that this cannot ever be stopped. In particular, the attention to Alex’s plight highlights this; I was fortunate enough to see the film and followed by a Q and A session with Ms. Lowen. Ms. Lowen shared that she and Mr. Hirsh were the crew of the film. Over the course of two years, they seemed to fade into the background and became bystanders. Compelled to protect Alex, they shared some of their footage with his parents and school officials. Several audience members shared my sentiments – that the response by the school officials was minimal. It’s important to note that school officials in Alex’s school did reprimand the bullies eventually.

To reflect on the enormity that creating this film took is mind-blowing, especially getting a signed consent form from every parent of every child that is depicted in the film. That Mr. Hirsh and Ms. Lowen were able to receive consent from the parents of the bullies was a sliver of hope after watching the film. Ms. Lowen shared that the parents of the bullies were horrified by their children’s behavior and agreed to have their children viewed in this light, being held accountable for their actions.

As Alex’s Assistant Principal states in the opening minutes, “Tell me how to fix this,” what the parents of the bullying children did is it – having students become accountable for their behavior.